I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
