My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
