So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
my vag is so smooth its legendary
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
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My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
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You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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