I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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