a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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