You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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