State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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