All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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