We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Even my vagina gasped.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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