I need to stop coming to work sober
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
