i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
