does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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