Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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