is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
