drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
