Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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