We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
