just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
