i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
