the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
At least make sure they are 18
Why
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
