I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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