Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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