I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
