I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize