Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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