I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
