it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
People in love make me want to vomit
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
