I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
