you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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