he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
