so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
