I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
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