i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
