so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
