they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me