I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
It's Friday. Sex?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
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THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
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I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.