All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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