who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.