Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
