I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
