we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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