You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
