That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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