is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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