It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
