So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
