His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
