I'll bet she douches with gravy.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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