Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Randomize
