Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
