OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
