It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
