The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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