there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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