My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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