My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
