Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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