What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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