Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
