I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
