Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
