Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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