forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
