I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Cover your peen. We're going out.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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