omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
