everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
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