OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.