Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"