i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
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Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
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Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.