Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.