my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
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my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
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I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!