I think scott just propositioned me for sex
accomplished twins. life is a go
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
