I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
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in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
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Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.