gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now